Why I Called Off My Wedding
From the time I turned 15 and was in my first fully committed long-term relationship, I fell head over heels for each boyfriend I had and constantly fantasized about how my life would be when we got married.
I wanted nothing more than to be presented with a sparkly ring to flaunt to all my friends, walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress and be married to the man of my dreams for the rest of my life.
That dream almost came true, but I called off the wedding…only 3 weeks before it was supposed to happen.
Yes, you heard that right. I had the sparkly ring, the gorgeous designer dress, the RSVP’s and amazing destination hotel in South Beach, Miami booked.
But while all my friends were giggling with excitement at the idea of me being a bride, I felt like shit. I remember thinking every time I heard their oooh’s and ahhh’s over my ring, I wanted to just crawl under a table in the fetal position and bawl my eyes out.
I actually thought “How long do I have to stay married to this guy before I ask for a divorce”. BEFORE we were even married.
I was miserable and I knew it had to end. Why?
Because I was in a relationship with an abusive narcissist.
Our relationship began on an extreme high and he had me hooked. Sweet kisses and slow dances in our living room. A never ending supply of love poems, words that showed how much he worshiped me. Big romantic gestures…
And then the little suggestions started.
“You shouldn’t wear makeup”
“You should wear stuff like this, not like that”
“Why don’t you cut your hair?”
These little hints seemed innocent at first, but later I figured out that this was his way of subtly controlling me and molding me into his perfect little barbie bride.
This was just the start…things took an UGLY turn when I started to find evidence that he was still seeing his “ex” girlfriend (I believe he didn’t break up with her until after we started dating exclusively). What I found was explicitly obvious, but somehow after I confronted him I was the one apologizing.
He had a way of knowing exactly how to manipulate every situation to his advantage, tricking me into believing I was the cause of all the issues in our relationship.
Our arguments were full on knock down, drag out fights— screaming, crying hysterically, and then he started to shove me onto the floor where I’d freeze in a little ball choking on my tears, unable to speak for hours.
Each and every time, he’d come back with one of those BIG ROMANTIC GESTURES, apologizing and promising to never do it again. And I was so afraid to upset him again, that I’d believe him and forgive him again.
I’d gotten to a point where I didn’t even know myself. I thought I needed him to be OK. And I didn’t start questioning these new beliefs I had about myself until I ended up losing one of my closest friends.
She had been telling me the whole time and knew that I was too involved to see the whole picture.
So I called off the wedding, despite the shame and embarrassment I was going to feel having to call each and every person that had RSVP’d to my big day.
Since that day, I made a commitment to myself that I would never fall victim to this type of treatment.
Has my journey been perfect? FUCK NO!
I continued to make a million mistakes in my dating life along the way, but I finally figured out what my issues really were and why I kept attracting in men who treated me as less than equal, constantly blamed me for ALL the problems in our relationship and were so quick to abandon me whenever there was any kind of turmoil.
The problem was not the men (ok, yes they did have their own problems), but the real issue is that I CHOSE to stick around when I DIDN’T HAVE TO!
I was so blinded by “love” that I felt like I should stay and fight to make this work. I completely took my own happiness out of the equation and focused all of my attention on trying to prove that I was worthy of his love.
I thought “well if I cook him dinner every night, maybe then he’ll see how great I am”
“If I pretend to like everything that he likes, maybe then he’ll start showing me more affection”
“Maybe if I lose more weight, he won’t leave me”
Do you ever have thoughts like this?
It sucks, because no matter what you do, nothing seems to change. Why?
Because good men don’t want to be with a woman who can’t stand on her own two feet. A good man will be with a woman who FEELS amazing about herself and her life with or without him, because he will feel AMAZING around her.
It took me 16 years from when I had my first boyfriend to actually figure this out. And once I did, I just had to share this knowledge because if it could save even just ONE woman from going through as much crushing heartbreak as I have, it would be 100% worth it.
This is why I do what I do, because every woman deserves an amazing man who fully supports her and lifts her up! If you feel like you're ready to finally take this next step and get the loving relationship you deserve, I'm here for you!
You deserve only the best.
I hope you know that, love!!