Why butterflies at the start of a relationship are actually a BAD sign

I have a somewhat unpopular opinion about chemistry, but I’ll tell you my thoughts.

The butterflies you have on a first date are actually not a great sign if you’re looking for a long term commitment.

Most men that I’ve had (and tons of other women have had) great “chemistry” with on a first date are usually relationships that are intensely exciting for that day or up to a month max, and then fizzle out.

Why? Because these men are practiced at woo-ing you because of their need to feel validated.

They typically aren’t looking for a serious commitment, and this is why they’ll ghost you at any sign of something better.

The butterflies are actually a form of anxiety that you’re confusing with chemistry, which keeps you guessing whether or not he’s going to ask you out again or disappear.

A man who is looking for a commitment might not be as exciting at first, but he will make you feel a sort of calm, safe peacefulness that most women don’t recognize as a good sign.

I know it’s not as sexy as the “butterflies” and whirlwind romance we’ve been taught to believe is real love.

On the first date I had with my husband, I felt that calm safety and I never once wondered if he would call/text or ask me out again.

He was steady and there as much as I need him to be.

He never made me feel anxious that he would ghost me.

And once I realized he was my man, THAT’S when the butterflies came!

I get it if it seems backwards, but it helps to look back on your dates and figure out if there were any red flags you ignored because of this “chemistry” and find any patterns with all the men you felt strongly for really early on.


Stacey Blunt